Nesting

I’m 35 weeks pregnant today and the ‘nesting instinct’ has finally hit.  I’ve read that this can usually hit around 5 months or right before the onset of labor.  I also read that it can result in compulsive and ‘irrational cleaning’.  I think any form of cleaning at 35 weeks should be considered irrational.  It’s the weirdest feeling to have so much energy but a body that can’t keep up with the brain chemicals.  I want to take this pregnancy suit off for a few hours so I can scrub the bathtub, mow the lawn and disinfect the screws inside the door handles. 

I’m so thankful for this burst of energy because I’ve been able to accomplish a lot of things that were on my mental ‘to-do’ list.  Pack hospital bag:  check.  Take Bailey to get her haircut: check.  Match up all socks (haven’t done that before…ever): check.  Wash all clothes twice, clean out refrigerator, clean out car, set up bassinet, donate old clothes: check.  Wash dishes: nope, that’s Mark’s job.  I was worried before that this intrinsic need to prepare for a baby wasn’t going to happen for me.  Forms of ‘nesting’ occur in nearly all animals but for whatever reason it wasn’t happening for me.  Since my logical brain understood that we cannot plan our predict the outcome of our future, my psychology was protecting my emotions by blocking this instinct from naturally occurring….or so I thought.

There is still so much to do and not enough time to do it, both at work and at home.  At work, I feel like I have started more projects than I can finish in a few short weeks and I need to start putting some things to rest.  At home, there is an endless need for organization and sanitizing.  There is also endless dog hair.  I hate dog hair. Can I wax the dog?  Is that allowed?

Gotta go get ready for work and take Bailey to school.   She’s packing her lunch right now and just shouted, “I can’t open the lunch meat! The packaging is child-proof!”   

~Melissa

Baby Steps

I’m huge……My stomach is a giant beach ball, I can’t see my feet and maternity clothes are so, so dorky.  I’ve started wearing what were originally designed to be dresses for normal-bodied girls as t-shirts for my misshapen body.  It’s okay though, looking like a dork is something I can handle.

We met with the Cardio Vascular Surgeon (Dr. John Nigro) last week at Phoenix Children’s Hospital.  He answered many of my questions, but was careful not to make any predictions or assumptions.  If our sweet baby is born with her heart as expected, or better than expected then the two operations she will need are the Glenn and Fontan procedures.  The Glenn operation will be around 2 months of age and will reconstruct her heart in a way that will improve circulation enough to sustain her until she is about 3-4 years of age.  That’s when she will need the Fontan operation which should help sustain her until early adulthood. 

There is so much about this that scares me because the ‘what-ifs?’ are endless.  ‘What if she doesn’t have a spleen? Will she recover okay from the operations?’ ‘What do her pulmonary veins look like? Are they obstructed?’ ‘What if her condition is painful for her?’ It’s easy to get caught up in an endless cycle of troubling thoughts but I try to remind myself to be stronger than that.  This might seem off topic, but do you remember the movie ‘What About Bob?’  Mark and I just watched this movie recently and Bill Murray plays a multi-phobic patient who worries about everything ranging from germs to having Turette’s syndrome. His psychiatrist gives him two solid pieces of advice: 1). take baby-steps and 2). take a vacation from his problems.  Maybe I’m going crazy myself because I’m trying to take the advice from a movie-shrink but the two principles ring true.  I can’t plan out the next 5 years of my life, but I can take issues as they come each day.  So far, my priority is maintaining my health and working on a birth plan.  This is something I can manage each day.  Also, I can’t focus on all the risks without getting depressed so instead I try to focus on all the possibilities.  Technology, medicine and surgical practices have advanced so much over the years; there is no telling what these humans will be able to do 10-20 years from now.  I’m afraid of losing my daughter, but I don’t have to worry about that because I know there are just as many opportunities as there are risks.  This baby doesn’t need a mom who is going to be troubled and scared, she needs a mom who is going to be punk-rock and proactive.

After meeting with the surgeon, we got a tour of Phoenix Children’s Hospital.  That place is really really nice.  Everything is clean and designed so creatively.  It feels more like Disneyland than it does a hospital, and I’m grateful for that.  From what we experienced, the staff was so happy and positive. I think that someone has to be pretty special to work there.

Yesterday, I had my OB appointment and received nothing but good news.  Our baby girl is 4.5 pounds already and is developing great.  Her fluid measures are all normal and her heart rate is perfect.  My health is pretty good also.  My blood pressure is fine, my (ummm…what is another word for urine that sounds less gross?)  tests are reporting that all my organs are functioning as they should and that I’m well hydrated.  Even though everything is going great pregnancy-wise, my doctor still recommends that I begin the non-stress tests (NST) now that I’m 33 weeks.  This means that I have to go to the office twice a week (ugh) so that the baby’s heart rate and my contractions can be measured for about 20 to 30 minutes.  It’s difficult because I’m still working and trying to accomplish work and doctor appointments will be challenging, but it’s worth it to know that we are taking the necessary precautions to take care of this baby.

(We are almost decided on a name, I’ll let everybody know soon!!)

Melissa

Johnny Cage...Chun Li… Sonya Blade…M.Bison…

Few updates to add…. We had an appointment with our pediatric cardiologist on Tuesday and just to warn you, the following explains my (very) basic understanding of the heart.  I would hope that any heart experts would forgive and direct me if I am incorrect about the cardiovascular physiology.

After the echocardiogram, our doctor was able to confirm that our baby's pulmonary arteries have visible and adequate blood flow to the lungs.  This can mean a lot of different things but most importantly it means that our baby does not have pulmonary stenosis or an obstruction of her pulmonary valve.  This was really encouraging to learn about because it’s one less surgical procedure to endure.  However, what cannot be measured in utero is the amount of flow resistance from the single ventricle to the lungs.  If the resistance is too weak, then too much blood flow could oversaturate the lungs.  From what I have read, this is a common possibility with single ventricle babies. If there is too much volume in the lungs, and not enough volume carried out through the rest of the body the heart can overwork and the lungs can become congested. A flow resistance issue is a possibility to prepare for; however, it doesn’t mean that our baby will have a problem with it.  In fact, she may be born completely stable! If this is the case, we may even be able to take her home and fatten her up for a few months before surgery becomes necessary. 

This experience has been life altering.  Mark and I have had to learn so much about life and what ‘thinking positively’ means.  The uncertainty is the hardest part.  As much as I want to celebrate any shred of ‘good’ news, I’m also cautious to balance my emotions because I don’t want to grieve every bit of ‘bad’ news. Even though I may not be celebrating my pregnancy the way I planned, I’m still very appreciative for every bit of good that has come from this experience so far.  We have been blessed with a team of fantastic doctors to work with who have been not only thorough but also patient and understanding.  Aside from medical professionals, we also have amazing family, friends and new friends who have reached out and shown so much love and support. 

Mark and I are still deciding on our daughter’s name….we have some ideas and will hopefully decide soon.  I really-really like the idea of using a Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter name, but then I remember that I’m 29 and should be more mature than that.

~Melissa